Walls of Jericho

जेरिको की दीवारों

Tetiana was on the move all day. When there were no customers, she would rush to do some ancillary work. She would do anything to keep her hands busy. Once again today she wiped the dust off the shelves. She brought items from the warehouse, replacing those sold faster than the door could close behind the customer. She counted the items, making a list for the suppliers for the next week. The girl's bustle was accompanied by an approving look from her old colleague. Every new task that Tania invented for herself, she accepted with a mute nod, which could be considered the highest praise from her. When the working day had long since passed noon, heading for its logical end, even she could no longer stand it:

        “Sweetheart,” she said to Tetiana in a voice as dry as the rustling of sand on old parchment lost in the ages, "your deeds are righteous, but sit down and rest, at least for a minute. Let your feet rest.

       The girl gave a taut smile in response:

       “I'll tidy up over there, and that will be all.”

       A hoary, time-wrinkled hand touched Tetiana's and she carefully stepped back. She seemed to continue working, but actually she looked down at her smartphone, which had been sitting alone all day. When she looked away, she suddenly met her colleague's eyes. For a moment, she thought she saw deep reproach in her eyes. She decided to make sure she hadn't mistaken herself, but when she looked around, she realized that she was the only one left in the room.

       Brushing aside her doubts, she entered the app with a quick swipe of her fingers. She typed in the search the name that had been burned into her memory and typed a short message:

       “Good afternoon, my name is Tetiana”

       The account makes it clear what my name is. Why did I write that, just why? Angry with herself, she was about to delete the message when the door opened. An elderly couple entered the store. Closing the messenger, the girl threw the phone into the table drawer:

       “Hello, how can I help you?”

       Day gave way to evening, and then came night. Unable to sleep, she laid still in bed. Her mother was up late, finishing her chores and getting her body and soul ready for the new bright day tomorrow. Tania did not want any more communication than they already had today. So she tried not to attract attention as much as possible. Analyzing her action today, she hesitated until a stern voice echoed off the walls and scattered through the room. "The Rubicon will be crossed," she decided as she was shaking her shoulder. 

       The app suggested that she had a new message. “It's too late to look at it today,” she decided, shifting the responsibility for her fear to circumstances. In the morning, she ignored the messenger again, and it was only a fluke that helped her. Twirling the phone in her hands, Tania accidentally opened the message and, unable to lie to a stranger, skimmed through it. Quickly clacking her fingers, she typed a reply:

“I want to book a photo shoot... a photo shoot with elements of nudity.”

Her hands were shaking, they did not want to obey in any way. As if scalded by the phone she hid it in her pocket on the third attempt. Hiding in the back room, she stuck her hands in the sink. Cold water, palms and face, she repeated circle after circle when she was no longer shaking from hypothermia. Her smartphone vibrated in her pocket, announcing a new message. It took forever for Tatiana to realize she had received a reply. She didn't know for sure, but her heart told her that the photographer had written it. Not having the energy to read now, the girl turned off her phone, promising herself she would be sure to reply tonight. Staring at the empty wall next to her, she banished any thoughts.

After work, Tanya wandered pensively through the city. Tired of life, she wanted to break the cycle of monotony, of constant grayness. Her feet took her to a clothing store. There weren't many people inside, and there was a persistent chemical odor of cheap powder in the air. On a normal day this place would have scared her away, and today she wanted to feel something new. Wandering between the racks of merchandise, she came upon a corner of long, plain dresses. Picking through them, she positioned herself sideways against the front door. As she pulled another rack over, she heard a couple of friends fly in. At first glance, they were barely eighteen, or maybe they weren't even that.

    ‟Air conditioner!”, the couple shrieked in unison.

     ‟You as you wish, but I in that heat no more”, squeaked the blonde, whose hair reached her shoulders.

     ‟Are you afraid that you will melt and sweat? And there will be nothing suitable at hand?”,  The girl with short pink hair poked her friend.

     ‟Don't get ahead of me. Let's go see what we have now that we're here. Maybe you won't have to wash your knees for these clothes.”

 ‟You little slu”, in an attempt to get at her friend, the girl dropped the soda bottle she was holding in her hand.

     ‟I'd say something, but I can tell by looking at you.”

     ‟Hold on, someone's ass is about to get red.”

      The girls' laughter spread through the hall and the couple disappeared into the depths of the store. Tanya was deep in thought, almost mechanically pulling on clothes, moving hangers from place to place. Reaching the edge of the rack she looked up and saw the couple right in front of her. The blonde was wearing a white top, her nipples showing through the light fabric and the halo of her breasts easily visible. And as short as possible white denim shorts that ended above the line of buttocks. The edge of the lacy lingerie poked out from under them.

     The girl with pink hair was wearing a thin t-shirt of purple color and the same color leggings. It took Tatiana just a quick glance to see that the other had no underwear at all under her clothes. Her face probably couldn't keep the mask of equanimity on. In the next second, the pink-haired one glanced at her and asked:

     ‟Is something wrong?”

    Tanya grabbed four hangers without a glance and ran to the fitting rooms under the cheerful, unconcealed laughter. Pulling the screen behind her, she looked in the mirror at her red, embarrassed face. Hooking the grabbed clothes on the hook, Tatiana waited for the two to leave so she could slip out of the store. During the minutes of waiting she looked at what she had grabbed. One of the racks was empty, and on the others hung unattractive, in her opinion, things. Too short and ugly. Just when she thought the girls had left, there was a squeak, followed by loud laughter, and someone scurried into the next stall. From there came a commotion. Not recognizing herself, Tanya cautiously pushed aside the dense fabric screen separating the stalls. In the one next to her, a blonde stood indignant. Water dripped from the ends of her wet hair. The front of her top was wet to the bottom. The clinging fabric clearly replicated every millimeter of her young breasts. Looking at her reflection, the blonde breathed frequently, causing her breasts to rise up and down rapidly and her nipples to protrude excitedly.

     ‟Are you here?”, The girl with the pink hair looked over to her friend.

     ‟Where else would I be. How's it going in there?”

     ‟Lucky. No one noticed we spilled the bubbly. Not even after your squeaky (Ahh…)”.

     The blonde laughed.

     ‟We didn't, you did. Let's wait for me to dry off and then we'll get back on our feet. Hey, Karina, what are you doing?!”

     ‟As a souvenir” the girl took out her phone and took a photo.

     ‟Then it's better like this” the blonde brought her hands to her body and interlocked her breasts.

     ‟Hot girl.”

     Tatiana froze, here was her chance to go away and forget this incident, but she watched the girls with interest. The blonde girl pressed herself against the mirror, arching her back seductively, scooping up her already completely wet top, playing with her breasts she flirted with the smartphone camera. Dropping an unnecessary piece of clothing instead of it used her own hands, and sometimes the curtain in the adjacent fitting room, the girl then hid behind it, exposing only one breast, then wrapped herself in the cloth, so that it was possible to make out only one silhouette.

     ‟I'm tired of trying to get out of it,”, said Karina.

     ‟There's not enough room. Do you want me to show you something?”

     The blonde looked at her friend with surprise:

     ‟Did you really dare?”

     The girl without saying a word, pulled the leggings down. Tatiana saw the smooth pubes and moved back, letting go of the fabric. But the ring on her finger caught and with a jerk of her hand she made the slit much wider.

     ‟Look, that weirdo was peeping at us!”

     ‟Hey, auntie, do you have something to show us? Where are you running off to?!”, Karina put her clothes back on and peeked out of the fitting room.

     Her friends were laughing, watching the stranger run away.

     ‟Wait a minute!” The blonde stuck her body out into the hall, shaking her naked breasts, ‟We haven't had time to get acquainted yet.”

     ‟And if you behave well, she'll let you touch her,” the pink-haired girl shouted after her.

     Tatiana ran away without turning around. Only at home, falling face down on the pillow she felt better. Her face was burning with shame, it was good that there was no one at home but her. Otherwise she couldn't imagine how she would explain her condition. After lying down for an hour, she decided to get up and go to the window. The most ordinary August evening was beginning outside. But not for me decided the girl. Obeying the desire that came along with the wave of warmth. The girl crossed the cramped one-room apartment and approached the folding mirror.

Humming a soothing tune under her breath, she took off her clothes without haste. The slim, reed-like girl had a frail figure, her pale, thin arms and legs seemed almost lifeless in the bright sun, and her neck was so thin you could easily wrap your fingers around it. Against the background of her body, left in her underwear, her face looked much longer. The girl's hooked nose was slightly bent downward, making Tanya resemble a bird. It emphasized, despite her not so young age, her childlike innocence and vulnerability at the same time. Carefully folding the removed clothes she aligned herself like a string, giving the impression that she had only recently graduated from the school of noble maidens of the Victorian era and had moved through time in a way unknown to everyone. Spinning around, looking at herself from different angles she decided to take off her underwear. And now standing close to the mirror, as it seemed to her, she was reacquainting herself with her body.

     Face, neck, shoulders, everything was well known, but more attention, she thought she should pay to what was safely hidden from view. Uncertainly, clumsily, she ran her hand over her breasts, pressing lightly, marveling at their firmness, to which she had never paid attention before. She ran her finger along the hollow between her breasts, finding four moles that didn't seem to be there. “Although these two were” thought Tanya touching the upper ones. “This one didn't” her finger pressed on the middle one. “Or conversely the bottom one wasn't there” embarrassed at not remembering exactly and she left them alone. Gently running her fingers in a circle she explored her breasts, driving them from side to side, up and down, paying special attention to her nipples, trying to make them as aroused as that blonde. Raising her arms above her head she spun around the room, catching her reflection. Running her hands over her tummy, she looked at her pubes. Not as well groomed as that girl's, but she'd fix that for the photo shoot. Exactly, Tatiana clapped herself lightly on the cheek, the photographer is waiting for an answer. Remaining unclothed the girl took a smartphone in her hands.

     “I noticed that you do not often go to messenger. I suggest to call and discuss photography specifically.”

     Having finished reading the message the girl hurriedly typed in the phone number. In response, she received a short message:

     “In 5 minutes I will dial.”

While waiting for the call Tatiana spun in front of the mirror like a light feather. A silent vibration, an unknown number appeared on the display. As if throwing herself into ice-cold water, she picked up the phone:

     “Hello.”

     “Good evening.”

     From the smartphone came a pleasant male voice. Overpowering herself, so that at this stage escape the girl fell out:

     “I want to order a photo session with nude elements.”

     Because of the pause Tatiana nervously concluded that some notes of her voice did not like the interlocutor. Or he was just thinking, she reassured herself.        

     “Tanya, do you mind if we be on familiar terms with you?”

     “I what... and no... of course I don't mind.”

     “Okay. Describe how you see it? Do you have an image of future beauty in your head? If not, don't worry, you and I will come up with something that suits your interests.”

     “I've been thinking about it. For a long time. So I really know what I want.”

     “Then I'm listening attentively”, I could tell from his voice that the man on the other side was smiling encouragingly.

     “But I'm warning you, I'm going to be very shy.”

     “Well, don't worry, we'll work it out. I have a solution for that too.”

Tatiana was satisfied with this answer, so she nodded her head and began to describe her vision, her cheeks occasionally blushing.

     After the end of the conversation, the final result of which was the agreement of date, time and place, the girl leaned her head against the wall and calmed herself.

     The days raced by on the broken record of life. Drops-seconds flowed into minutes of waiting, turning into unbearable hours. Hours that separated the girl from her cherished dream. An early rise would start a new day. But today was going to be special. All the same actions, clothes, conversations, the start of the work day. But as the time “X” approached, everything started to turn into something new. For the first time in all her years of working at the shop, Tanya gave her colleague advance warning that she would be leaving early. Calling a cab, she went to a new place for herself, where her life had never taken her before.

     While waiting for the photographer, she looked at the lonely passersby, who in T-shirts, shorts, light dresses were going about their business on an August day. A car pulled up beside her, and a man with a pleasant appearance gallantly opened the front passenger door.

     “Have you ever been to Old Kodaki before?”, Inviting her to sit down, he asked.

     Tatiana shook her head:

     “I haven't traveled much, even around my hometown.”

     “Maybe as a relaxing music in the background?”

 The girl again gave a negative answer. The photographer drove the car slowly along the dirt road. He did not look at her with heightened interest, did not ask any questions, kept with her politely and kindly. He calmly told me about something from his life. Tanya listened, and the excitement made her lose the meaning of what he said. Which made her feel slightly ashamed. What will happen when they get there? You know what will happen, she answered herself without letting go, you were preparing yourself morally for it. But did it make her more prepared? About this she tried not to speculate.

      “What do you think?”, The man pointed to a high hill with the river just behind it.

      “It's like something out of my mind. And the place.”

      “It's sparsely populated. You don't usually go this far,” the photographer got out of the car ahead of the question.

     Tatiana followed his example. After a few steps, she turned around. She took a deep breath, like a swimmer before diving in, but with an exhalation, her lips quivering with excitement, she stretched out:

      “I'm ready.”

      “That's good” One quick glance at her was enough to know her statement was wrong, but under no circumstances would he have said it to her face. 

      “Because I, still need a few more minutes. As agreed, I've got some things, pick out what you like.”

     With those words, he pulled a camping bag out of the back seat and set it on the trunk. To stay out of the way, the man stepped back pretending to adjust his camera. Setting himself the goal of letting the girl get used to his presence, the stares. Meanwhile, he studied her.

     Despite the heat, the girl was wearing a tight brown dress. It had a simple cut and reached to the floor hiding closed shoes, and from above it reached to the chin hiding the neck behind the collar.

     She nervously twirled the outfits around in her hands, trying to find a bit of calm in her movements. Despite her excitement, she continued to search, to choose, making Herculean efforts. “Blessed be...” part of a memory burst into her brain. Suppressing it, shoving it beyond consciousness she moved her hand down:

      “Chosen.”

     Holding in her hands a light transparent blouse of light color with decorative flounces on the shoulders, which went down to the bottom into the side seam, her face flooded with the color of embarrassment. Frowning, Tatiana stood waiting for instructions.

     “Change.”

    The girl's face flushed and she began to follow the order. Feeling her inner resistance growing, Tanya fought against it. The annoying memory instantly felt the weakness and tried to flood the girl's mind again, to throw her off the chosen path, to convince her that what was happening was not what she wanted. The movements slowed the closer they got to the clothes. A lone tear of helplessness protruded and rolled down Tatiana's cheek. “Blessed be my baby...” slipped repeatedly out of oblivion. “I know what I want,” fought off the ghostly voice the girl kicked off her shoes. Grabbing her dress she pulled it off over her head. Throwing a glance at the photographer, her face flushed even more.

Looking directly at the man she put her hands behind her back.

      “Wait, leave the underwear on for now. Let's start taking pictures with him,” the photographer's voice sounded as soft and friendly as possible, but he was ready to swear that he heard her relieved exhalation, “Put on the blouse.”

The girl obediently complied with the order, and then seemed to freeze as if waiting for the next instruction. “What do I do next?” panic covered her face with a new wave of shame. The man wasted no time carefully, so as not to frighten the client, came closer, picking up the words in his head:

      “Tanya, you look good. The blouse is perfectly sized and suits your eyes. Let's start here.”

     Taking a step in the direction indicated, she tied her will in a tight knot. Follow the instructions, listen to the photographer, repeat after him, think of nothing and remember nothing. The man showed her how to stand, which way to look, how to hold her hands. She repeated the command in full measure. Shame stiffened the girl's face. But it did not belong to her now. It, like everything else listened and obeyed his command.

     A shot, a shot, another shot. The photographer showed her how to change the pose and she obediently repeated it. The first ten shots and he shows her that it's time to take off her bra. Obediently, the girl removed the extra piece of clothing. Wrapped herself in a half turn, following his prompting. The fabric stretched over her breasts, lightly showing through them. But no need to pay attention to it. Because he'd said this was the way to become. He'd ordered it, but Tatiana had asked for it, she'd craved it herself, and now she must fulfill it. Must reach the end, to the cherished photo that had been confusing her mind and soul for months, to gain true freedom.

He says the compliment, and embarrassment fills her ears, muffling any sound. Indicating that she should now turn to face him and tilt her head to the side in a slight, flirtatious way. Tanya follows his instructions.

The photographer shows something with his hand. She does not understand, does not understand his words. The man approaches, barely touching her with his fingers, moves her a meter to the side. He shows her how to fold her hands in front of her so that the silhouette of her breasts can be clearly seen above them and takes his position again.

 The girl, still blushing, complies with the instructions. Gradually, along with the rustling of the wild wind over the hills, her hearing returns to her. She can already hear, so she obeys his words more quickly. Unexpectedly, Tanya realizes that the blouse is pleasantly enveloping her body, but not as pleasant as the photographer's touch.

     The man tells her to pull up her panties, exposing more of her buttocks, and she does. He smiles affectionately and gives the girl a compliment again, this time she hears it and is embarrassed by the pleasant words. Dragging a backpack from the car he offers to take some of the items in his hands. Oh no, the girl thinks, not the mirror, I'll faint if I look at my reflection right now. I'm ready to see myself in pictures, but later, not in the process, not in this moment. The apple, too, was not to her liking, causing a haunting association. She opts for a book.

     The photographer shows her how best to pose with it and she obeys. At one point, when he approaches too, she inhales his perfume and the scent amuses her. The next prompt and only her panties remain on. She doesn't turn away, doesn't hide, stands looking straight at the photographer. Her lips are treacherously folded into a thin line of contempt. For a moment it seems as if he and his camera set out to rape her. “I'm a doll, just a doll” she whispers soothingly to herself, assuring herself that the man is not defiling her, but pulling invisible strings. That she deliberately went along with it.

     The two of them gradually climb the hill without stopping the photo shoot for a second. She poses, running her hands over her hips, then hiding, then mysteriously beckoning breasts, emphasizing details, and all thanks to him. Thanks to the photographer's reverent attitude to exposing the frame and delicate treatment of every part of the girl's body. Climbing to the top, she exhales air from her lungs gazing at the river spreading below, her hands slowly traveling from her breasts downward clinging to the edge of her panties and pulling them down.

     “Ready,” Tanya whispers.

     A memory flashes in her mind: a store, two girls behind a screen of dense fabric, a blonde with a wet top that stuck indecently to her young breasts and her pink-haired friend with a smooth pubis and something interesting that she hastily showed, but Tatiana could not see. Freezing, she lifted her hands up, winding them back. Her hair, loose in the breeze, frames her face. He travels down her body, closing her eyes, she enjoys his breath. A man quietly approached from the side. Raising her arms a little higher, he picks up the unruly strands of hair behind the girl's ear, but she resists, releasing them, letting the wind continue to play with it. The photographer's hand moves an inch up the girl's chin, and this time she obeys. His touch knocks the breath away. It's as if all the air from her lungs has been sucked out of her lungs at once, replaced with a stick mixture. The photographer's touch is pleasantly scalding, as if molten wax dripped from his fingers dripping onto the girl's body. Stepping back he photographs her from the side. Her pose, her gestures become a symbol of a sense of freedom, of future possibilities and independence. She feels that the world lies before her, ready to be explored and conquered. Her posture expresses confidence and readiness to take on life's challenges. She felt weightless and only the camera kept her from being torn from the ground by a rushing gust of wind that carried her over the horizon. The camera and his gaze.

Turning to the man, Tanya was smiling happily, her face shining, from which the embarrassed redness still did not want to come off. The photographer approached and showed the shots that had just been taken. The girl looked carefully, choosing one of the shots, here it was for the sake of him she overcame her inner resistance. The dream was realized.

On the way back to the city, relaxed she sat in the front seat:  

     “Thank you. Thank you very much.”

     “Thank you too,” the photographer smiled affectionately, “You'll get good shots.”

She paused for a minute, while a whirlwind of thoughts raced through her head, and then she made up her mind:

     “No, you don't understand”, forgetting that they had switched to “you” the girl began, “I'm already 29 years old. And... and you're the first man who's ever seen me like this, who's ever seen me naked.”

     “What do you mean?”, Taking his eyes off the road, the photographer looked at the girl, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

     “I come from a religious family. A harsher woman than my mother, you'd be hard pressed to find. I never met my father. Any mention of him was taboo. From a very young age she brought me up in a strict framework with a religious emphasis, with rules that must never be broken,” she continued, “I have never kissed anyone, I have never been with any man. I'm still untouched. What's more, I've never been in a relationship. And as you may already realize I have never been seen naked by any man. My whole life was highly regimented. I studied where my mother told me to, I went where she told me to go with the feeling that I had to do it for her and for her sake. After graduation, I started working in a church store in the company of a picky old woman who had probably lived through the Crusades. Mom had worked there before me, and then decided to pass that responsibility on to her daughter.”

     Tatiana pulled a wildflower from her pocket, plucked from the hill. She brought it to her eyes. The photographer waited silently, afraid to disturb her confession.

     “I realize that now, like this flower, I am at the height of beauty. Perhaps even at the last stage. And later on, I will be. I won't be as beautiful as I am now,” Tatiana's voice trembled as she turned away to the window, “And this photo shoot is a protest. A protest against my upbringing. A protest against the system in which I was tortured since childhood, in which I was broken. In fact, it took me a long time to take this step. And you know what – I want you to put these pictures on your page. Especially the last one. I fell asleep and woke up thinking about it, working, eating lunch and praying with my mother, and in my mind I was deciding, crying and suffering unable to overcome myself.”

     Turning to face the photographer, a glow of bright lights flashed in her eyes, and her voice took on a strength unheard of before:

     “I want everyone to see my pictures, including my mom. Even if she tells me to get the hell out of her apartment and her life. Even if she says I'm not her daughter anymore. I can't keep lying to myself like everything is normal. It's not! It's not normal. You know what she calls my virginity? The walls of Jericho that must fall before the righteous. No support, no understanding! Just rules, prohibitions, taboos and punishments. No, I won't even wait for her to kick me out. I'll leave on my own. I packed my things in the spring and I didn't dare, I was afraid. But now I have nothing to be afraid of. Recently, a former classmate invited me to an interview, I said I'd think about it. Now I think it's a great idea. Bye-bye church store! Goodbye limited life.”

     Finished, she looked out the window again, the city was starting up ahead. The man with his hands on the steering wheel carefully drove the car through the busy traffic. Reflecting on what he had heard, he remained silent. Not an ordinary situation for him.

     “Excuse me...”

     “We agreed to use the first name during the phone conversation.”

     “I'm sorry, I must have said something stupid. But I needed to talk. In fact, I have no one to talk to. I haven't made any girlfriends over the years. I'm not surprised, though, and the ones I have… are just as bogged down by life as I am.”

     “You have nothing to apologize for. It's important to you. The photo shoot and then confession was an important step in your life. I promise – your photos will show up on my page and also on the app.”

     “Do I have to pay for that?”

     “Don't be ridiculous. Also, I have a proposition. A good friend of mine is organizing an exhibition of my work in the gallery. If you don't mind, I'd like to exhibit a photo from the top of the hill.”

     “Interesting idea”, Tanya smiled at her own reflection in the window glass – I agree.

      The August sun hiding behind the horizon gave the last rays to the girl who, as if looking into the distance, accidentally put her hand on the man's knee, burning with a pleasant touch.